Month: October 2004

“Mr. Editor, I’ma say somethin’!”

Posted by on October 29, 2004

Post Prerequisite: this editorial is a must read.

Now let’s break it down. After the vague, general stab at Bush’s competence (I’m so confused… is he a devious mastermind or a bumbling idiot? Michael Moore, help me sort it out!), we have this:

This week we learn that the number of our troops on the ground in Iraq was insufficient to secure 380 tons of unusually powerful conventional explosives when we invaded that country in 2003.

Did everyone catch it? Rinse, and repeat if necessary. It was cleverly inserted, and almost brushed over without scrutiny. Did you see how unbelievably close she came to referring to the weapons as the type that might inflict, say, mass destruction? If there was a little doubt in your mind, you need only continue:

Less than one pound of this material was sufficient to bring down Pan Am 103 over Lockerbie Scotland in 1988. The bad guys in Iraq now have enough of this explosive to blow 760,000 civilian airliners out of the skies. Feeling safer everyone?

Weapons of Mass Destructio…. wait, wait… no, I didn’t mean that! Um… oh, blast. Now I’ve let the cat right out of the bag.

We also learn this week that the Bush administration is preparing another emergency request for between $40 and $70 billion to pay for the Iraq war during the remainder of this fiscal year.

Hmm… geez, is that for more armor and supplies for the troops? No, the military needs to quit being greedy. We need to elect someone who wouldn’t spend all that on the troops.

Administration officials are conveniently waiting until after the election to name the final figure.

Wait… you mean they didn’t tell you the figure? Then where did you get it? Did your 8-Ball tell you so?

One wonders how else thay are planning to waste our hard-earned money and the precious lives of our brave young Americans in the next four years.

That’s right! Those poor unfortunate souls didn’t expect to be sent into combat when they signed up! That’s not what the military is about! And here’s my favorite. Democracy has a pleasant alternative, folks! You can almost feel the gentle breeze and smell the fresh lilac field.

We can cast a positive vote for John Kerry, a man with a Senate record of fiscal conservatism and war record of proven judgment under fire.

Come again? Fiscal conservatism? I suppose we’re right in line with the thought process that wants to know how we define “is”. And from my understanding, the only proven judgment he’s had is to try and squelch any advancements for Defense. Good thing this guy will keep the country safe! Thanks for being informed, Elizabeth Perkins. From Danville and abroad… we thank you.

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Extra! Talking Dog Mispronounces Words!

Posted by on October 26, 2004

I believe those were Lamar Alexander’s words this morning on a talk show concerning the topic of the Afghan election. His point was that people who denounce this new election due to problems are like a journalist that might print a story with such a headline. Solid point.

I heard that today at work while I was slaving over shirts. It’s all Bush’s fault; if it weren’t for him, I’d be receiving my weekly stipend that could more than support me by my generous and benevolent government. Instead they’re keeping me down, making me work for my keep. Shame.

Work today was a spectacular event. Laura, the shop manager, brought up the Libertarian party. Seems she heard Badnarik on NPR and deduced that because he didn’t carry a driver’s license””he thinks the government knows too much about him already””that must mean such a statement is part of the Libertarian platform. The way she presented it to me was something close to: “I heard “˜bout the Libertarian party this morning on NPR, those people are crazy. They don’t carry driver’s licenses.” Ah, yes. The ever pensive liberal mind.

Need some more insight? Cue lights. Scene: folding promo shirts for the Coors bike. Pan to Laura: “I’ve never had a Coors. Had a Coors Light once, but after I heard about their ties to the Aryan Nation, didn’t have one since.”

“Really? Well, how do you even further the cause of the Aryan Nation in the United States?”

“Elect George Bush.”

The silence that followed was predestined. Can you even respond to that with, Well, I see where you’re coming from, but…

She then followed that by encouraging me to get my Democratic friends out to vote. I think I should first make an appointment to screen for that massive tumor in her head””that would only be right.

Well you heard her. All my Democrats, holla back. Get out and vote now, before the Republicans change your polling location again. Besides, even if you’re not eligible, if you’re black, you could be disenfranchised.

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“The Stooge”, Please…

Posted by on October 20, 2004

I thought I’d asked for a mere trim. Perhaps I am mistaken; perhaps I actually requested something akin to “The Stooge”. I’ve never felt so violated after leaving a haircut. I’d be suprised if he spent more than 10 minutes on my head. Not only did it physically hurt, but after he was done punishing my ears with his comb, he must have seen the disheartened look on my face and actually had the audacity to say, “It doesn’t look that bad, don’t get so stressed out about it.” Are you kidding me? Maybe you shouldn’t get so stressed out about the fist I’ma give you here in a second.

I’m interested in finding someone with clippers. I’m sure one of the Pembrokians has a connection; I’ve already heard of people doing their own haircuts. I’m seriously considering shaving it off now, starting anew. Sure this will grow back, but it will have to grow back from this. And that’s a shame.

Since when was that a “trim”?

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Interesting insight from a demon

Posted by on October 19, 2004

You are to use the word purely as an incantation; if you like, purely for its selling power. It is a name they venerate. And of course it is connected with the political ideal that men should be equally treated. You then make a stealthy transition in their minds from this political ideal to a factual belief that all men are equal. Especially the man you are working on. As a result you can use the word democracy to sanction in his thought the most degrading (and also the least enjoyable) of human feelings. You can get him to practise, not only without shame but with a positive glow of self-approval, conduct which, if undefended by the magic word, would be universally derided.

The feeling I mean is of course that which prompts a man to say I’m as good as you.

The first and most obvious advantage is that you thus induce him to enthrone at the centre of his life a good, solid, resounding lie. I don’t mean merely that his statement is false in fact, that he is no more equal to everyone he meets in kindness, honesty, and good sense than in height or waist measurement. I mean that he does not believe it himself. No man who says I’m as good as you believes it. He would not say it if he did. The St. Bernard never says it to the toy dog, nor the scholar to the dunce, nor the employable to the bum, nor the pretty woman to the plain. The claim to equality, outside the strictly political field, is made only by those who feel themselves to be in some way inferior. What it expresses is precisely the itching, smarting, writhing awareness of an inferiority which the patient refuses to accept.

And therefore resents. Yes, and therefore resents every kind of superiority in others; denigrates it; wishes its annihilation. Presently he suspects every mere difference of being a claim to superiority. No one must be different from himself in voice, clothes, manners, recreations, choice of food: “Here is someone who speaks English rather more clearly and euphoniously than I — it must be a vile, upstage, la-di-da affectation. Here’s a fellow who says he doesn’t like hot dogs — thinks himself too good for them, no doubt. Here’s a man who hasn’t turned on the jukebox — he’s one of those goddamn highbrows and is doing it to show off. If they were honest-to-God all-right Joes they’d be like me. They’ve no business to be different. It’s undemocratic.”

Now, this useful phenomenon is in itself by no means new. Under the name of Envy it has been known to humans for thousands of years. But hitherto they always regarded it as the most odious, and also the most comical, of vices. Those who were aware of feeling it felt it with shame; those who were not gave it no quarter in others. The delightful novelty of the present situation is that you can sanction it — make it respectable and even laudable — by the incantatory use of the word democratic.

Under the influence of this incantation those who are in any or every way inferior can labour more wholeheartedly and successfully than ever before to pull down everyone else to their own level. But that is not all. Under the same influence, those who come, or could come, nearer to a full humanity, actually draw back from fear of being undemocratic. I am credibly informed that young humans now sometimes suppress an incipient taste for classical music or good literature because it might prevent their Being Like Folks; that people who would really wish to be — and are offered the Grace which would enable them to be — honest, chaste, or temperate refuse it. To accept might make them Different, might offend against the Way of Life, take them out of Togetherness, impair their Integration with the Group. They might (horror of horrors!) become individuals.

All is summed up in the prayer which a young female human is said to have uttered recently: “O God, make me a normal twentieth century girl!” Thanks to our labours, this will mean increasingly: “Make me a minx, a moron, and a parasite.”

Meanwhile, as a delightful by-product, the few (fewer every day) who will not be made Normal or Regular and Like Folks and Integrated increasingly become in reality the prigs and cranks which the rabble would in any case have believed them to be. For suspicion often creates what it expects. (“Since, whatever I do, the neighbors are going to think me a witch, or a Communist agent, I might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, and become one in reality.”) As a result we now have an intelligentsia which, though very small, is very useful to the cause of Hell.

But that is a mere by-product. What I want to fix your attention on is the vast, overall movement towards the discrediting, and finally the elimination, of every kind of human excellence — moral, cultural, social, or intellectual. And is it not pretty to notice how “democracy” (in the incantatory sense) is now doing for us the work that was once done by the most ancient Dictatorships, and by the same methods? You remember how one of the Greek Dictators (they called them “tyrants” then) sent an envoy to another Dictator to ask his advice about the principles of government. The second Dictator led the envoy into a field of grain, and there he snicked off with his cane the top of every stalk that rose an inch or so above the general level. The moral was plain. Allow no preeminence among your subjects. Let no man live who is wiser or better or more famous or even handsomer than the mass. Cut them all down to a level: all slaves, all ciphers, all nobodies. All equals. Thus Tyrants could practise, in a sense, “democracy.” But now “democracy” can do the same work without any tyranny other than her own. No one need now go through the field with a cane. The little stalks will now of themselves bite the tops off the big ones. The big ones are beginning to bite off their own in their desire to Be Like Stalks…

In that promising land the spirit of I’m as good as you has already begun something more than a generally social influence. It begins to work itself into their educational system. How far its operations there have gone at the present moment, I should not like to say with certainty. Nor does it matter. Once you have grasped the tendency, you can easily predict its future developments; especially as we ourselves will play our part in the developing. The basic principle of the new education is to be that dunces and idlers must not be made to feel inferior to intelligent and industrious pupils. That would be “undemocratic.” These differences between pupils — for they are obviously and nakedly individual differences — must be disguised. This can be done at various levels. At universities, examinations must be framed so that nearly all the students get good marks. Entrance examinations must be framed so that all, or nearly all, citizens can go to universities, whether they have any power (or wish) to profit by higher education or not. At schools, the children who are too stupid or lazy to learn languages and mathematics and elementary science can be set to doing things that children used to do in their spare time. Let, them, for example, make mud pies and call it modelling. But all the time there must be no faintest hint that they are inferior to the children who are at work. Whatever nonsense they are engaged in must have — I believe the English already use the phrase — “parity of esteem.” An even more drastic scheme is not possible. Children who are fit to proceed to a higher class may be artificially kept back, because the others would get a trauma — Beelzebub, what a useful word! — by being left behind. The bright pupil thus remains democratically fettered to his own age group throughout his school career, and a boy who would be capable of tackling Aeschylus or Dante sits listening to his coeval’s attempts to spell out A CAT SAT ON A MAT.

In a word, we may reasonably hope for the virtual abolition of education when I’m as good as you has fully had its way. All ince
ntives to learn and all penalties for not learning will be prevented; who are they to overtop their fellows? And anyway the teachers — or should I say, nurses? — will be far too busy reassuring the dunces and patting them on the back to waste any time on real teaching. We shall no longer have to plan and toil to spread imperturbable conceit and incurable ignorance among men. The little vermin themselves will do it for us…

For “democracy” or the “democratic spirit” (diabolical sense) leads to a nation without great men, a nation mainly of subliterates, full of the cocksureness which flattery breeds on ignorance, and quick to snarl or whimper at the first sign of criticism. And that is what Hell wishes every democratic people to be. For when such a nation meets in conflict a nation where children have been made to work at school, where talent is placed in high posts, and where the ignorant mass are allowed no say at all in public affairs, only one result is possible…

I would not — Hell forbid! Encourage in your own minds that delusion which you must carefully foster in the minds of your human victims. I mean the delusion that the fate of nations is in itself more important than that of individual souls. The overthrow of free peoples and the multiplication of slave states are for us a means (besides, of course, being fun); but the real end is the destruction of individuals. For only individuals can be saved or damned, can become sons of the Enemy or food for us. The ultimate value, for us, of any revolution, war, or famine lies in the individual anguish, treachery, hatred, rage, and despair which it may produce. I’m as good as you is a useful means for the destruction of democratic societies. But it has a far deeper value as an end in itself, as a state of mind which, necessarily excluding humility, charity, contentment, and all the pleasures of gratitude or admiration, turns a human being away from almost every road which might finally lead him to Heaven.

-C.S.L., excerpt from Screwtape Proposes a Toast

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Saved by the Saint

Posted by on October 01, 2004

Thank you! What, you might ask, is dominating the news right now? At this point, after a quite fruitless debate spawning nothing of entertainment value, coverage the mere steaming and possible eruption of Mt. Saint Helens is all the rage. Finally, after months of endless chatter having something to do with Kerry’s apparent appreciation for sandals, we get some news that has absolutely nothing to do with politics (except, of course, that memos were found detailing Bush administration plans to inject a catalyst deep into the earth’s core in order to cause an eruption, kill thousands of people, and allow Bush to appear compassionate towards the people of the northwest… and he made the hurricanes, too).

Needless to say.

Last night the Presidential Debate party was a bit of a dud. I’m not even sure the pizza was worth it. As much as representatives from both parties asked the Belmont audience to please be respectful and not make noise, it sounded like a UT Football game in the dining hall. If there were actually anything important said last night, I’d have to watch the debate again. After the televised debate, they set up a panel consisting of 3 reps from each party to give their take on the debate and then field questions from the audience. The most exciting part of the night was when an audience member asked what was the democratic take on what he felt was the most heinous act of terrorism against this country, partial-birth abortions. Clearly a loaded question. But the surprising thing was that before the moderator could cancel the question for not adhering to foreign policy, one of the Democrat’s jumped up and started hurling insults at the audience member. “I can’t believe you’d ask that! If you think that that has anything to do with foreign policy, then you’re just an idiot!”Planning on running for public office anytime soon there Cicero?

On that topic though, I thought I’d mention how much the two party’s positions surprise me. You’d think with all the liberal push towards any and all human rights that the Democrats would be gung ho about protecting even the unborn’s rights. It makes me wonder if one of the parties will simply take the opposing side of the other party. How do you decide that one is not subject to American laws and protection until they’ve hit air? I was under the understanding that the way we can tell if someone is still living is by checking their heartbeat and brainwaves. Under those criteria, even the unborn pass the litmus test. It’s not because I think women don’t have rights or anything, but why is this a “choice” that they have? What makes that a good thing at all? Perhaps we should extend that right for at least a year after birth, just in case they decide they’d rather not have a child anymore. The argument against letting babies live always seems to include the tired old examples of rape, incest, and danger to the mother’s life. Well sure, I’d agree with that. Most people do. No really, A USA Today/CNN/Gallup poll showed that 55% of Americans approve of abortions only in the cases of incest, rape, or to save the life of the mother. The truth is that the number of Americans that support abortions for any reason is declining.

The sad part about this whole thing is that the argument that abortion should be legal (including partial-birth abortions?) because the woman might have been raped, the victim of incest, or in danger for her own life is the very slimmest of percentages for reasons abortions are performed. I stand by my conviction that most people use abortion to avoid the consequences of poor planning. Consequences are a natural part of life. If something or someone gets in my way of a goal because of my own poor planning, I don’t have the right to annihilate my human obstacle.

  • 25.5% wanted to postpone childbearing. Should have thought about that ahead of time.
  • 21.3% cannot afford a baby. Plenty of people looking to adopt!
  • 14.1% are in a relationship that does not want a child. Adoption, perhaps? Plan ahead next time?
  • 10.8% think a child will disrupt career or education. You can’t just kill someone because they get in your way. Civilized societies generally call that premeditated murder.
  • Only 2.8% abort due to maternal health! That’s hardly enough to generalize and suggest the entire population is at risk!

The most horrifying statistic I discovered was that over 90% of abortions were due to simply not wanting the child! During this unsettling war with Iraq, so many people are demanding to know the burden of proof for invading Iraq. It is no less important to have a undeniable reason for taking a life that lives within you. If you’re pregnant and were not raped, then you’ve committed to this child. Whether you planned it or not, part of the responsibility in having sex is understanding and accepting the ramifications of your actions. Abortion is certainly the most evil form of retreat.

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